Memories...

Aurgh.

2010-08-25T21:16:00.003+08:00

Keven is tired.
Keven needs to do PW.
Keven needs to study Physics.
Keven needs to study Chem.
Keven needs to study Econs.
Keven needs to practise GP.
Keven needs . . . .

Gosh. This is pointless.
Keven needs to get a . . . . LIFE!

Work List:

2010-08-03T17:01:00.004+08:00

Chemistry
Reaction kinetics tutorial
Chem Equilibrium tutorial
Prepare for SPA

Physics
Uniform circular motion tutorial
Universal gravitation tutorial
Oscillation tutorial
Prepare for Physics Lecture test
Prepare for SPA

Mathematics
Extra problems on complex numbers Q1, Q3, Q5

Economics
Huge table on various market structures
Essay outlineS

General Paper
Prepare 8(!!!) essay outlines

YOG
Rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal

Keven is going to die. Please do all of the following:
1. Let me have my way these last few hours
2. Come to my funeral
3. Bring flowers. I always liked white roses (hint hint)
4. Try to miss me
5. Don't bury my homework with me.

2010-07-21T20:19:00.002+08:00

I've finally found out why I'm always angry. Because I can never meet my exceedingly low standards and I hate myself for that, because I don't want to be the retarded loser that I am. Gosh. Why can't I ever get things right?! Do I have to eff up everything in my life before I get a break?

eternal damnation.

2010-07-14T22:26:00.003+08:00

I don't know how I'm going to forgive myself. The second time i ever made that stupid fumble was during the concert. Of all the times it could have happened, it had to be during the concert. And that part was just SO important, like one of only few parts where my playing/cueing really matters. And I screwed it up. Good job Keven. You suck. Rot in hell. ):

dreams.

2010-07-11T15:01:00.004+08:00

Dreams can be such scary things, by which I don't mean just scary nightmares in which you see someone sprawled on the floor white as alabaster and cold as ice, or the three hundred or so Spartans chasing you around in Carreras. It could afterall be a just any normal dream which you wake up from breaking out in cold sweat.

Sometimes hypothetical situations pop into your mind, like what would you do if you were the last man on Earth, or if you could go away from this world and stay on an island and live off coconuts, or a car was charging straight at your girlfriend/boyfriend, or the life of your most loved/hated friend/enemy was in your hands, what would you do? That kind of thing.

When you're fully aware of your thoughts, you can try and avoid thinking about unpleasant thoughts, awkward scenarios, and even deliberately not confront your heart, convincing yourself by telling yourself what you want to hear.

But when you're dreaming, things are totally different. You're thrust into a scene you didn't ask to be in, and sometimes it could be so real, you could be interacting with people you actually know, who are more than just 'somebody' to you. And after convincing yourself you'ld react this way and that way, you find yourself reacting in a different way.

And when you wake up, you feel insecure. Because your reaction was different from how you hoped to have reacted. And it seems like reality, and you feel that if it were to really happen in your life, you would possibly react the same way.

Colosseum

2010-07-04T13:01:00.002+08:00

Life is like living in the colossuem. Its like walking into the arena again and again, with no rest. As you feel your strength leaving you, the gates open for yet another few beasts enter to finish you off. You spin around facing the angry eyes of the lion, unaware of the tiger leaping for your throat till you see the shadow in the swirling sand. But it't too late. As you get mauled down by the tigers, you vaguely see the crowd rise to their feet, their screams of estacy rising and reveberating all around the arena. The fun and pleasure comes from seeing your blood spill, watching you scream and writhe under the piercing claws shredding you where it hurts most, disfiguring your face, marked by so many hard battles. And those faces were the same fivety thousand that cheered you on while you were still going strong. Too bad you're down now, and they withdraw their support immediately. All you see are those jaws closing down on your neck. A surge of adrenaline gives you the strength to throw off the tiger, but even if you do survive this, leave the arena alive, you'll have to walk into it again.

That's life for you, and in the cruel Colosseum, you have to search your soul and find who you really want to be, dig deep into your heart for emotions, love, happiness, and whatever else. But whoever you may be inside, the world is only interested in the cold, hard, ruthless Gladiator in you-- for their entertainment.

dies

2010-06-28T11:33:00.002+08:00

oh dear. econs is in 1.5 hours. im feeling faint. im scared! AHHHH!!! i dont think i can walk to the exam venue. my legs are wobbling too much. IM GOING TO FAIL! WAHHHH!!!! *whines*

Haha. Whatever happens, happens. I leave it to fate.

OMG! TESTS!!!

2010-05-19T20:34:00.002+08:00

tests are honestly horrible. i think passing a math test is rly commendable, like anybody who does should get a commendation award wif a cash prize. if i pass today's test ill faint. if i pass tmr's test ill drop dead. like tmr's test is on stats and im still trying to figure if poisson is pronounced as "poison" or "porsorn". in anycase, i hate stats. stats is totally NOT math. i rly admire those who can actually like something as urgh as stats.

and then there's chem test, which is cheemer than math. ill try to rmb that AlF3 is ionic while AlCl3 is covalent, and the H+ is actually HO3+, and SCl4 has net dipole moment cos S has 5 valance electrons while CCl4 has no net dipole moment cos C has 4 valance electrons, and BF3 has no net dipole moment cos B has 3 valance electrons while NF3 has net dipole moment cos N has 5 valance electrons. And i will try to rmb to write the word NET.

and i spent half an hr just memorising a few lines:
"electronic repulsions exist between electron densities around a central atom. the electron densities are spatially arranged around the central atom to minimise the overall repulsion.
Thus, atoms sharing one or more bond pairs with the central atom will be directed in certain orientations in space. The overall arrangement of these bonded atoms around the central atom give the simple molecule its shape."

and then solid ions are held in fixed positions and so are immobile and so are unable to conduct electricity. and AlCl3 actually has half ionic character and half covalent character, my friend is now telling me, thus even though its covalent in solid state, in molten state itll dissociate to the ions and conduct electricity poorly. if he's wrong i guess ill find out during the test tmr. /:

and the strength of an ionic compound is indicated by its lattice energy, which is proportional to | charge on cation * charge on anion / (radius of cation + radius of anion) | and the greater the magnitude of th lattice energy, the stronger the ionic bond.

giant metallic structure:
>strength of metallic bond depends on > no of valance electrons avaliable for bonding and < cationic size of metal. omg. this is going to be the death of me, memorising all this!!!
strong bonds mean high mp and bp.
good thermal conductivity
malleable and ductile. a layer of positive ions can glide over another easily without breaking the metallic bonds.
closely packed. results in high densities.
somehow all these sound vaguely familiar. i rmb having heard something like this in sec 3 and sec 4 chem and phys but i cant rmb wad exactly was said.

instantaneous dipole-induced dipole interaction (or van der Waals forces, or IDID, which is much safer cos i tend to spell instantaneous as instaneous) are dominant in non-polar molecules while permanent dipole-permanent dipole interactions (more affectionately known as PDPD) are dominant in polar molecules wif no H bonded to N, O or F though i have absolutely no idea why the criteria.
hydrogen bonding is dominant in polar moleculs wif H bonded to N O or F. (wads so special abt hydrogen bonding?!)

examples of PDPD interactions. CHCl3, HCHO, PCl3.

define polar. when two atoms of different electronegativities are covalently bonded together, the shared electrons are more greatly attraacted to one atom than to the other. such bonds are said to be polar.

the degree of polarity of a bond is measured by its dipole moment which is a product of the charge and the distance between the charges. u = Q x r. the unit of dipole moment is the debye (D) by the way. can you imagine, wad ure seeing is only an excerpt of one of my long boring lecture notes among the whole stack. wad on earth am i doing taking this subject?!

dipole moment is a vectoral quantity. the overall dipole moment of a molecule is the vector sum of all the bond dipole moments. oh goodness! this is starting to sound more like physics, which iznt such a bad thing afterall. hopefully after a while it'll start sounding like math. (:

and now moving back to atomic structure. AURGH!!!!

let my music charm.

2010-05-16T22:46:00.002+08:00

mmm... today's practice was rly gratifying. i actually enjoyed practicing. either ive unknowingly lowered the standards for myself, or ive improved a wee bit. in anycase i love four things. havanaise, kreutzer, and bruch no. 1. they're so lovely!!!

havanaise is so gentlemanly suave, and yet so passionate! and kreutzer is one huge tiring work that leaves me drenched in sweat after that, i dont know why on earth i like it. and bruch is so full of life, vibrancy, with explosive energy thats so contagious my homework starts prancing towards the rubbish bin. yea i wish.

i love music. on good days like today, the more i play the more i dont wanna put down my violin. (:

friendship.

2010-05-08T10:58:00.002+08:00

friendship. | (noun.) | relationship between two or more friends. | eg. What on earth is friendship turning into?! | syn. matter of no importance, rubbish, selfishness.

yep. thats what it is now. i dont mean all friendships are like that, but from what i see, a lot are. just ask yourself, how often have you been too tired or lazy to help a friend? how often have you bulldozed over your friend's question to ask your own? how often are you nicer to your friend, talk and laugh more, when you're asking for a favour? have you left some friendships weak and neglected for you other friends? and finally... how much a friend do you consider your friend? a real friend or an object of manipulation?

Friendship should be a relationship of mutual trust, faith, and concern that does not change nor depend on circumstance. a friend should be someone you're willing to accept for who he/she is, and not who you want him/her to be; somebody who's willing to stand by you through thick and thin, and for him/her u're willing to do the same; somebody who's sensitive to your feelings, and whos feelings you truly care about. and lastly, a true friend is a rare thing nowadays...

PI. Over. Finally.

2010-05-06T23:59:00.002+08:00

YES! Finally. Like honestly, enough is enough. If PI is already so urgh, how good can the rest get i wonder. And theres still WR. Like omg. As if H2 subjects arent enough to kill me. Okay, thats the cue for all the smart people out there to scream "stupid" at me. But honestly, i dont rly care wad ppl think abt my intellect. I mean duh its impt, but to judge one based on his intellect? i dont think so. Of course some people would say im just trying to raise my esteem, like just cos im not that smart i try n say being smart iznt impt. but rly! if i had to choose either high eq, low iq and high iq, low eq, ill choose the former. rather sensitive than aggressive. i shld think my friends are more important than my grades. friends provide life, bonds, support, love. which of these can grades give? but that being said, uve to be practical to live in this world. i guess ill still be hoping i can get straight A's. ><.

love is...

2010-04-05T23:02:00.007+08:00

Love.

Often you may see stuff that goes like "love is abt the sacrifices ure willing to make, the loyalty, the times spent tgt, the..." it goes on. But actually, i doubt any of it actually describes love, or can be used to replace the term love. Theres a reason why we came up wif a word to describe what we now call love, n thats because theres no other way of saying it, and theres no way of explaining it. its there cos its there, cos we're human, cos theres no life without love.
Love is just love. It's that simple. It's that beautiful.

and it's that terrible...

blogging!

2010-02-07T16:39:00.003+08:00

finally keven blogs. *applause*
havnt blogged in a long time cos there was orientation. which was fun. and dinner, which was funner, and then go home and sleep.
and on wed n thursday, i managed to get a fever that was almost hitting 40*c. obv i couldnt blog. i was trying to stay alive.
and on friday i was bumming arnd feeling good abt getting better. and sat was a full day. and now im blogging.

orientation was rly fun. me loves my OG. MR02 is just fabulous. i wont elab. theres too much to write n im lazy. (:
then theres my class too... 11SO6K. Looks like a muggers class. But i have my friends there, ppl ive known for ages, so its fine. and i have my OG too. WHOO!!
and somebody is has not been replying my SMSes for 3 days.
:( WHY?!

2010 stay away.

2009-12-30T21:52:00.003+08:00

2010 is coming soon and that is NOT good news. because that will mean that school is even nearer than before. and that sux (in case you didnt realise). and then there will be all the hectic schoolwork. and commitments. and basically the end of the world.

I have not blogged in ages because i have been busy and lazy, prefering to occupy my time by daydreaming, watching movies, and playing stupid miniclip games. and bumming around. this morning was traumatic. if you know me well you can come and ask me and maybe if i am in a good mood or feel like b****ing i might just tell you. haha. or u can find it someplace else.

2009-12-07T12:23:00.002+08:00

its been a long time since i blogged. but nobody comes here rite so i dont have to update often.

was really busy until last friday. preparing for end of year IAS concert. i guess our concert was one of our best so far. (: really happy about it. but still it wont hurt if everybody had a greater sense of responsibility. concert was fun. after concert was more fun. (:

these few days going to listen to n support frens at NPVCs. All the best to:
sarah, evan, leejing, ryce, emily, joanne, benwee, renee, lanabel, selina, john lee, shanjee, mark, jonshin, n aidi. (:

2009-11-07T21:04:00.001+08:00

i am going to get my very own com in exactly 14 days... maybe not exactly. but well yea. i have sth else to say, but i wont put it here. if ure close enuf ull noe where to go. if ure not, you can stay on this page, or click the white X in the red square at the topright corner of the window. :D today was a bad day. i wont elaborate. ull know where to go again. u noe wad, i dont feel like blogging today. bye.

finally touching a working com.

2009-10-12T19:21:00.002+08:00

hi everybody. (if there is anyone reading this at all)

finally i am touching a laptop that really works. that iznt mine. that has internet connection. but cannot have msn. it certainly is a change from banging my useless spoilt old laptop against the wall and flaking off paint. now, in this sacred time my aunt allows me to touch her precious ancient laptop, i shall blog.

while everybody, except ppl from my sch, is jumping for joy that eoys are over, here i am slogging my guts out to do well for my eoys. wow. i just made myself sound so hardworking, which iznt exactly true. i have been keeping a journal (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. i suppose the inability to blog is driving me ancient) and doodling all over my revision notes, and dreaming of days that will never materialise. and all these do take up the bulk of my time, instead of studying.

last saturday, my sim card threw a tantrum at me and decided to reject itself for good. now i am stuck with a new number that even i do not know. it is NOT heartening to know that starhub has told me i will have to change to a new number.

and now, i shall have to go back to studying AQ before i successfully blank out during english, and venice for SS, and organic for Chem, and magnetism for Phys, and GT n IBE for Lit, and revolution for Hist, and...

AURGH. i give up listing. it just goes on and on...

and on and on...

and on.

its not enough.

2009-09-04T18:03:00.002+08:00

yes i know. i shld be satisfied. i shld be happy. i shld be glad i improved. (did i?) at least my results proved to be better than last year. but im not satisfied. im not happy. im not glad i improved. ):

They always say, aim for the moon, if you miss ull be among the stars. the stars arent enough.

Happy Teachers' Day

2009-09-01T12:14:00.000+08:00

To all my teachers (pri n sec n erm... kintergarden) out there, who hopefully do not read this blog, happy teachers' day. Thank you for all your care n support n teaching.

I noe i didnt go to sch on teachers' day celeb. but its not cos i dont think teachers' day iznt impt k... i erm... overslept? cos i slept late? cos i was doing m***p*** work! ahhh... its taking so long to complete!

!bored!

2009-08-30T17:48:00.000+08:00

i am finally bored. after all the hectic term, i finally have the opportunity to get bored not doing ccts n pts. but im not saying that i want them back. i mean... who wants them back?

this holiday is long. friday was teachers' day celebration, saturday n sunday are weekends, monday is a sch holiday, and tuesday is a sch holiday... thats 5 days. n then theres sch on wed and thur (+AQ test) and then friday is house carnival... which i suppose ill have to turn up even though i cant play sports.

and then theres the term break. wonderful. itll be flooded wif work. =.= well then, on the bright side at least i wont be bored during the break. and i will stop daydreaming. sigh.

Feedback Form of RI

2009-08-24T16:38:00.000+08:00

It happens that the school gave our sec4 batch a form to give feedback on our subject teachers. after just an hour, they took back the form, and shredded/burnt/atomised (whichever u choose) them due to what was a "serious misunderstanding".

I guess we students have a right to know what the "serious misunderstanding" was, like considering that they actually wanted us to do sth, which we were quite willing (given that no names would be revealed), and to take it back an hour later without explanation...

yea. from what weve found out it was cos the teachers didnt like it... like u noe... not like students complaining/praising them. I guess its quite disappointing that teachers dont want to hear us praise them for their great teaching n all. Or were they scared we would complain about them? in which case, would they rather we talk about them behind their backs. not wanting feedback is like... an ostrich burying its head under the sand screaming "i dont want to know!" what is so wrong about getting constructive feeback from students to reflect and if necessary improve? like what happened to bu4 chi3 xia4 wen4? that is an asian value.

one of the reasons given was the "we are an asian society, not open to feedback". i hope "open-minded asian society" does not have to remain an oxymoron forever... (:

PTs n CCTs

2009-08-17T16:15:00.000+08:00

the men march forth. grim faces.
fluttering hearts. the enemies approach
fast. and furious. the sounds of war
fill the air. each man steels
his heart. no time for fear.
the PT approaches.

the order is given. the charge
takes place. theres no turning.
the PT must be slain.
the men have been. through
worse. theyve taken down
batallions. gunned them down.

this monster is different. he
comes again. and again.
each time bigger than
before. theres no time.
to rest. the battle carries
on. day and night.

fatigue and weariness. plague
at the men. the adrenaline supply
is running low. but there isnt
a choice. the fight is not
over. the guns continue.
staccato machine gunfire.

the shells soar. the bombs
drop. the bullets wizz.
the enemy howls. and
crumbles. finally. the men
sit down. too tired for more.
the next enemy approaches.

and the men have to
fight on again. and slay
one PT after another. then
a CCT. and perhaps more.
theres no time to rest.
its hellfire. no less.

friday

2009-07-25T23:53:00.000+08:00

amidst the hustle and bustle and schoolwork (bullcrap) of this horrendous week, where almost everybody underwent hellfire and late-night rushing of work, i still managed to find time to take a breather, cast my work aside and emerge from a pile of projects and more projects. thursday first had yo. which was horrible cos there were only 8 first violins... and we were playing a completely new piece, which was definitely tough... then after that was really tired n all but still had to rush physics project which was due on friday. did that till 2 in the morning and barely slept 4 hrs before having to go to sch. was having a bad running nose in sch and was absolutely sure i was going to fall sick. went home took a hot bath and slept for 2 hrs. maybe it was the rest, maybe it was the willpower, in anycase i recovered by 5 and went out wif frenz to dinner and watch Harry Potter. (: not a bad show at all... (i guess those ppl who thought it waznt good were looking for action and spells flying arnd the screen for 1hr 45 minz). it was more emotional than action packed. then went home and managed to get home in abt 30 minz. surprisingly i didnt get scolded for being late!!! (:

yo concert. yesterday.

2009-07-14T14:52:00.000+08:00

lunch was fun. went to eat at marina square wif some frenz. (: rehearsal went okay. i was kinda pissed wif my standard then. was quite shit. couldnt even count bars properly. and then my strings were giving me problem (as usual). dont understand wads the problem. my pegs can never be smooth. and when they are near smooth, they unwind themselves at a crazy rate.

first half was fine. except the page kept getting blown by the stupid wind. and its not like its some lousy concert hall. its esplanade. cant they do sth abt that? and v1s messed up some part in solo piece. it can be attributed to a lack of practise and poor turn out at sectionals, from what i hear. intermission was... turbulent... and second half was an epic fail for me. ill rmb brahms 4th...

soloist was great. afterwards when leaving saw some ppl i knew. hahaha. ): ): ):

it is our responsibility.

2009-07-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

Today had sectionals. Turn out was bad as usual. I mean how hard is it to turn up 1 hr earlier than usual... i noe a lot of ppl in the section can play and probably can play better than me, but sectionals iznt juz about playing better as an indiv. its about how we sound as a group n btw a few changes were made... if uve missed sectionals uve missed the changes too lol. unless uve bothered to go n find out on ur own. anw quite disappointing but wdv its over

yo prac was fine. then elections. for comm. some of the speeches were kind of funny n all, but ultimately, that doeznt determine the voting. think jeremy lee is like really mature n passionate abt YO. probably one of the best phrases ive heard so far: "music is not a choice. it is our responsibility."

blogging once again...

2009-06-30T17:09:00.001+08:00

its been long since ive found the time or energy to blog. finally ive the urge to blog again...

June holiday: [no posts] not here at least

last night was AYG opening ceremony. it was... well the atmosphere was great. rly hyped up by the MCs n dancers n singers and soloists n of course YO. yep. i think we did a great job. in the past few days, the rehearsals n the actual, i guess i mingled wif some of my section mates more than b4. guess it was rly RLY fun. (: it rly helped to wash out all the emoness n stuff over screwing up SMO senior.

anw, amid sch n rest, im going to do wad i can to gear myself up for this saturday, for smo open, where comes the ultimatum: make it or die trying... wish me luck if u still wanna see me alive after saturday. haha. i wonder how many ppl that is.

2009-06-30T00:40:00.001+08:00

will blog soon...

June

2009-06-17T14:23:00.000+08:00

SIMO camp was funner than i expected, still, some things felt amiss. this yr could understand the lessons better than b4, did the quiz better than b4. yea. that bout it abt the academic stuff. i guess mainly the fun lies in the last 2 nights. 2nd last was short, but last night was quite a long night. yea.

then there was YO camp which i did not stay for eventually. ):

then theres the mad preparation for SMO round2s which im not doing a good job cos im erm... unfocused/lack concentration, however u put it. haha. not funny.

then theres hellwork from sch. hmm... i cant rmb whether they called it homework or hellwork but yea. u get the idea.

then of course theres fun. the question is where when n how long. holidays dont feel like holidays. i juz feel like im working from home.

2009-05-28T22:45:00.000+08:00

why do i feel all alone battling against all the challenges in the world?

fun

2009-05-23T23:55:00.001+08:00

ytd went wif classmates to watch chinese play at rj.

b4 that we went to pizza hut to eat. and then we were like being really retarded. the pizza hut staff were wearing some huge badge that said "if i dont smile you get your next personalized pan pizza free" or sth like that. so we were like thinking of wierd ideas to make them stop smiling to get a free personalised pan pizza. we could have gotten like... 20+ free pizzas by the end of the meal. but anw to begin wif they werent smiling at all. lol.

so we went for the play, which was nice, except that some dumb ri guys kept laughing at the wrong times. i think the first of those times was initiated by the... deputy head prefect? kind of irritating cos they were sitting infront of me lar. anw I DIDNT NOE THE CDC WAS THAT PRO!!

but yea. rly enjoyed it. anw i forgot to mention the RAFFLES BANDANA! they basically look like hankerchiefs with green n black n white stripes with an 2 2-headed-eagle emblems, n RAFFLES written around as a border which was kinda... spastic? so i wore 2 bandanas around my head n looked like a ninja. n yiheng has a picture (send me) which has me looking really ninja-ish, stupid, idiotic, retarded, dumb, ridiculous, crazy, but nonetheless handsome (I AM ALWAYS HANDSOME. kidding.)

ytd was so FUN!

tests!!! ):

2009-05-16T23:38:00.001+08:00

tests tests and more tests are coming up. one of these days ill post up the schedule for week9 n week10. but b4 that, ive got to muster up the courage to even look at my overfilled timetable again.

and a certain sir still has my mindmap. After we were forced to make our mindmaps, we had to submit. and monday is the test n we havnt gotten our mindmaps back... they were "suppose to be for your own revision, class...". lol. wad a joke.
which reminds me, the lab test i resubmitted to him to review has been with him since... more than a month ago?

AND METACOGNITION IS SUCH A PAIN IN THE... erm... REAR!!!

music

2009-05-10T00:04:00.000+08:00

hmm... its been some time since ive blogged. finally im blogging again. yay. lol.

today for some reason (which i know but wont say), i felt so melancholic the whole morn n afternoon. could feel my heart sending twinges of 酸 (yes that is chinese) through me. the only way i could like let that feeling out was letting it flow out onto the piano keys n violin strings.

its these kind of times i realise i couldnt do without piano n violin. sometimes i think of dropping music, lack of time n all. but now i know i cant. its too much a part of my life. its like, playing an instrument is so different from listening to music on the radio or cd or hp or mp3 or wadeva... listening juz cant beat letting my fingers flow all over the keyboard n fly on the strings.

my violin is so cute!!! whoops. sorry. im juz so high now. its like such a mood swing from this morning. like for instance... now if i were to sit on my ego bubble, i could juz float up in the sky. BUT UNFORTUNATELY SOMEONE ELSE IS SITTING ON IT!!!

haha.

bus home.

2009-04-28T22:39:00.000+08:00

boarded the bus, sat down by the window. i leaned my forehead against the glass, smeared with the many dirty greasy prints of young hands and noses. rain lashed violently against the glass as thunder rumbled and lightning lit the sky in the far distance. the scene, altogether gloomy and grey and depressing, gave my spirits no uplift whatsoever. i gazed unfocusedly as bypassing cars sent up a spray of mist, but as my hot breath began to fog up the glass, my vision blurred till i could hardly figure where in Singapore i was.
but i guess life is just like that. we travel along the road, not knowing which part we are at. at each juncture, each stop, we pick up fame, n we lose some. whatever riches we earn with each beep, in the end are but electricity running through circuits. and when we finally arrive at the terminal, all the fame and glory leave us in a rush. what is left is our legacy: the filthy oily prints on the glass, the black wheel tracks against the door, those marks left from rides given to those restless toddlers, those marks left from helping a wheelchair up the bus.
As i stare at the foggy glass, i see my future, as uncertain, as blurred, as can be. i know not what it holds. i cant be certain as to what depresses me. i see an image go past. i know its a car. but what car i dont know. i guess ive got to clear the mist to see. but if i cant, ive got to walk into it bravely, n soon ill be closer to what i know not now. n then ill find out.
n even when i do, rain may still be pelting me hard in the eyes, thunder shaking the ground beneath me, and lightning dropping trees all around me... and the sky... it may stay grey... and the world may remain a black and white one.

ugly side

2009-04-26T18:48:00.000+08:00

these past few days the monster in me has risen. i have shown my ugly side in a very very ugly way. i hope that side of me wont make its appearance again. i rly hate to be mean n stuff, its not something that i eek pleasure from.

Commonwealth essay: Tracks

2009-04-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

eh. i feel like not leaving my blog unposted too long. but then i dunno wad to post. so being lame/wuliao/retarded, heres my commonwealth essay. lol.

She glanced anxiously at the clock. The train was late, very late. Why had it not arrived when it was due hours ago? She tried to calm herself. Maybe there was a bison herd crossing the track. Maybe the train had left its station late. A delay of a few hours on a day long journey was insignificant, in those times at least. Maybe… Maybe it had snowed. Absolutely impossible. Not during spring! But the scene of a snowy night fogged up her vision…

Five years ago, she was at the same station, standing at the exact same spot. Why she was there, she had forgotten. She gazed in awe at the might of nature. The wind howled in her ears continuously, only interrupted by the cracking of branches, which the wind had stripped from the nearby trees. Snowflakes were splattered all across the sky, waltzing with the wind. She was enraptured by this magnificent view, of nature all alone, when suddenly she spotted a black shadow in the far distance, barely a spot in comparison to the grand surroundings. She thought it was fig of her imagination. What would a black spot be doing on the train tracks? The black spot was moving. She looked closely. It was of human form, and staggering. She gasped. What would a human be doing in the outskirts of the settlement at such a time and weather?

She could not keep her eyes off the being. Reaching out her hand, she fumbled to unhook a lantern hung upon the wall. As though an imaginary force was tugging at her, she slowly walked towards the being. She moved off the platform, and walked next to the tracks, thrashing through the knee-deep snow. She pulled her fur coat tightly around her. Yards apart, the mysterious man and stopped, as did she. She squinted, trying to see in the darkness.

“Alice?” the being croaked.

She gasped. How did he know her? She held the lantern higher, illuminating his face with the meager light the lantern provided, and caught sight of his handsome face. Thud! The lantern fell upon the snowy ground.

“Viktor!”

He staggered forward, whispering, “Alice, is that really you?”

Viktor lurched forward. Alice rushed forward to catch his fall. He looked worn and tired, and his body trembled violently as the chill piercing him to the bone. Alice enclosed him with her fur cloak. She hugged him closer to give him warmth. He gazed up into her eyes, a look of pure gratitude. She smiled back at him.

“Why didn’t you come for our Christmas dinner? We were expecting you.”

“I don’t mind talking about this somewhere else where there’s more warmth, but the heavy snowstorm had covered the tracks and made the journey impossible. They had to cancel the train ride. I borrowed a sleigh and rode here. The sleigh crashed mid-journey so I walked the rest of the way. I see I’ve still missed the dinner.”

Alice stared at him in disbelief, “Why didn’t you just wait till after winter before coming?”

Viktor managed to grin through his dry cracked lips. “I wanted to see you badly.” He replied frankly.

Alice felt her affection for a family friend, who clearly adored her, grow into a passionate love. It was as though a rose had blossomed from beneath the freezing snow.

“I think you would like to see me in a cozier environment…”

A long whistle broke her thoughts. She snapped back into focus, to see a grey mass moving nearer from the distance. She heaved a sigh of relief. The train was finally here. She had been worrying over nothing. She brushed her hand through her hair, made sure every strand was correctly in place, even though she knew it was probably futile. The previous years when the train pulled up at the station, it sent a gust of wind blowing throughout the platform and subsequently mess up her hair. Anyhow, it didn’t matter. After all Viktor would ruffle her hair up with that gigantic hand of his.

The train turned at the curve, gracefully at first, its metallic body gleaming in the sunlight. And suddenly… Alice’s eyes flew wide open as she gasped in horror. She felt her heart thumping and she felt faint.

The train was dashing towards the curve at a great speed. The last time the train had made the curve without slackening its speed, something was wrong. This time could be no better. She prayed that the incident that happened three years ago would not repeat itself. She began to recall…

A screech was heard after the train passed the bend dangerously. Sparks were seen flying from the tracks as the brakes were being applied. The train raced towards the station and came to a grinding halt after having overshot the platform by yards. A group of savages burst out from the doors and began to flee. The garrison guarding the settlement had already charged up.

Alice stood rooted to the spot. The train doors hung on hinges and the windows were horribly shattered. Passengers began spilling out of the carriages, some limping, some clutching wounds left behind by the bandits that had boarded the train mid-journey. Alice looked out for Viktor. She was anxious beyond description. When Viktor finally emerged, she rushed over and fell into his arms, crying with relief.

“Viktor, you’re safe!”

“Relax, dearest. We fought those savages on the train. We were fine. The only worry was that the train couldn’t make the bend at such a tremendous speed.”

The train couldn’t make the bend at such a tremendous speed! She snapped back into the present.

She screamed, one long continuous howl of anguish. The first carriage tilted and lifted off the track, veering into the mass of trees. The second carriage followed suit, so did the third. Soon the train, lying on its side, was crashing through the huge trees. Crashes and screeches were heard. Finally the train stopped, no longer a train, but a crunched up heap of debris entangled with the woods, lying next to the track. Smoke began rising from the wreck.

Alice stuffed her fists in her mouth, trying to silence herself. It was not necessary. She had screamed herself hoarse. She bit down upon her knuckles, trying not to believe what she had just seen. She tasted blood.

She jumped off the platform, and ran along the tracks, her skirt flailing behind her, the hem being shredded by the many bolts on the tracks. Tears welled up in her eyes and fogged her vision. She tripped and fell, bruising her leg and cutting her arm. She heard her bodice rip. She buried her face in the ground and sobbed uncontrollably as she clutched her shattered heart. She felt the pain deep within her heart searing across her insides as though her heart were on fire. She writhed in agony as her soul bled with pain and sorrow.

“Viktor…”

It was too much for Alice. Her head whirled, and she fell into a pool of darkness. Love inched into her life as he stumbled to her on the tracks. This love left her, derailed, flying off the tracks just as fast as the train had. Love came on the tracks during a cold winter night, flooding her life with warmth. Love left on the tracks on a beautiful spring morning, emptying her soul.

end.

so touching rite...

stupid fogging.

2009-04-16T22:52:00.001+08:00

i hate the fogging thing. where they spray some smelly white fumes all ovr the place to kill mozzies. in actual fact, the mozzies fly some place else n end up in my house after the fogging. like for instance, my mom n i killed 3 mozzies in 10 minz. like wth lar. im staying on the 4th floor. it shld be high enuf for the mozzies to STAY AWAY!

shucks. now i have lots of red patches all over. i look like a spotted puppy. ahh. so cute... as in me! lol. (:

2.4

2009-04-13T22:36:00.001+08:00

2.4 km run walk jog wadever... sux. like honestly. like we had prac run for pe. n now im dead tired. like wads the point of 2.4? you run 6/7 laps depending on the size of ur sch field, and in the end ur displacement is a big fat zero cos uve been running in rounds. and from an energised healthy person at the start, u turn up back at the start like some wild panting dog that has just crossed the sahara. and the effects take place really fast. in my case it takes place in 17 minz n 24 secs, enough to safely garauntee ild fail my 2.4 during the actual run. aurgh. then ill have to run every pe lesson till i pass!!!

then theres the stupid sit n reach, which i think most guyz absolutely hate. the only thing i get out of that is like overstraining my wadever muscles at the legs. unfortunately i cant stretch much. my six pac keeps getting in the way, its too big! :D haha. ok. i shall deflate my ego abit, so my head doeznt get in the way when i do chin ups. lol.

anw yea. today was a well, wonderful day, save for the 2.4. (: bliss.

stupid lizard.

2009-04-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

i hate lizards. honestly. i dont rly fear killing flying cockroaches, centipedes, or picking up beetles, flying "ants", n the like for my terrapins, but i wld nvr go near a lizard. unless my 面子 is concerned lar. tts a diff story.

then so happen today my mom n dad both sleeping liao, so i had to catch a lizard myself. -.-'
it was kinda fun. yar rite!. so i was like shooting tons of rubberbands n throwing sandals at the lizard for like eternity. then like finally when i had successfully mutilated it (im not a sadist k, i waznt feeling elated tt i totally banged it up) i finally got the guts to use a huge plastic bag (that covered my whole arm) to pick it up. n dump it down the rubbish chute. n heave a sigh of relief. and GET BACK TO DOING MY WORK. dammit. ):

on a side note, i realise the tagboard is tagged at like so infrequently and by so little ppl i actually wonder who on earth comes to this blog. haha. maybe its cos i post too irregularly. whoops.

removal of quote in prev post.

2009-04-08T22:01:00.001+08:00

in my previous post, i wrote that some respectable figures said "??? ??? ???? ??? ???!"

however, due to the request of the respectable figure, i have removed that. lol. have i removed it?

random.

2009-04-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

some interesting things that happened in the past few days:

some respectable figures said:
"hang the higher authorities"

lol.
anw, ive successfully cut the f*** word out of my vocab, and all the vulgar hokkien vulgarities. now im going to cut out the shits and damns too. after that ill work on the wth's and the wtf's.
i believe i can become a refined person. ill make it (:

disgrace.

2009-04-01T21:27:00.000+08:00

ive been through 2 years of jnr trng, 2 yrs of snr trng, a total of 3 yrs of simo trng. n im still stuck where i am n everyone has moved on. ): i guess that aint the worst of it. i dont actually mind that. but now im slowly dropping out in sch too. like for instance this time hci math competition im like wth. not even reserve for the school... n im in the exco n suppose to "set an example" so the teachers say. wth. its disgraceful lar. *

to make matters better, while the other exco members are busy trnging for the competition, im busy training the sec2s, n coming up wif answer key for their test papers... a good use of time, so to speak, doing the saigang, some would put it. but I NEVER SAID THAT... (in case any teacher comes here).

i find its a trampling on my honour, and a gentleman's honour can NEVER EVER be shamed, much less mine. but in time to come, i shall resurface in full glory, more powerful than ever. but meanwhile, i must carry the burden of disgrace and hide the fury in my heart, mask the blaze in my eyes. i will be back. i promise. the world haznt gotten rid of me juz yet.

*refer to private blog for further details.

sch

2009-03-31T23:20:00.000+08:00

"schwk is a downpour of birdshit... uve got to shoot the birds to stop the shit."

past few days

2009-03-31T11:28:00.000+08:00

i realised i havnt blogged for quite some time... which is unhealthy for the blog. lol.

i guess the past few days have been rather hectic. fun/not fun, depends on when in the day.

erm so... ok fine. on second thought ill blog abt all this in my personal blog, so nobody will make a mountain out of nothing... (if u noe im talking abt u, its nothing to be proud of ok)

however, i can blog abt ytd here. went to sch, as compared to the weekend, it was like raining bird shit like cats n dogs after two bright sunny days. had sort of a withdrawal symptom. however, however... i felt kinda high when i scaled the rockwall. TWICE!! clocked i8 n h8. 2 of the hardest. haha. erm... iwall has like loads of overhangs, n hwall has like... severe lack of grips? haha. i feel so accomplished lol. anw now ill move on to my personal blog to hype n rant abt the weekend. some good things cant be said here. some bad things cant be said here too lol.

n todays staff trng day yay. i hope the staff get loads of homework n assgns. (: then theyld noe wad its like being bleedin' student.

HOLIDAYS: actually its no holiday lol.

2009-03-22T23:07:00.000+08:00

monday:
history test
phys prac

burned out my morning. stupid lar. i hate. then had piano lesson. burned out my afternoon as well. only left wif the night to... to complete holiday work, or try to. lol. ended up doing: nothing.

tuesday:
aime

burned out my entire morning. afternoon was so tired i couldnt do much. had to prac piano, then head for quartet n yo.

wednesday:
YO concert. i kiss my afternoon n night bye. but worth it lar. i think it was agood concert. (: good job, everyone in YO! (:

thursday:
morning went to rgs for briefing. the rest of the day prac piano n vln n tried to do some work.

friday:
whole day at rgs conducting workshop.

where did all the fun n relaxation go? crap lar, it certainly waznt a holiday as far as im concerned.

n tomorrow theres chem OBA and probably SS timed assignment... WTH!! its only week 1, ri, wad do u think ure doing to my life? n the emotional side of life is no comfort neither. ):

i feel down n out,
need an uplift. NOW!

test

2009-03-10T22:14:00.001+08:00

lol
hehe

>>>

apmo

2009-03-09T21:55:00.000+08:00

tmr have apmo. tts a math competition. i noe im not gna do well but tts ok. i noe ild have tried my best. ill be able to skip sch. yay. lol.

wish me luck (:

sadness

2009-03-08T00:02:00.000+08:00

im feeling down today. dont wanna elab.

nothing.

2009-03-06T21:33:00.000+08:00

ive been so emo these days, the world doeznt amuse me anymore. theres nothing interesting, im void of emotion, except a blank grey blue sky, where the sun never comes out. i feel so alone. maybe i am... in some senses. too many things have happened, too little things have happened. when will the sun come out n my heart be lifted in joy? i await that day

a day without sunlight

2009-02-27T23:29:00.000+08:00

the thunderstorms over clouds split apart sun shining through the rainbow in the sky young plant stretches straightens from slouch the first ray of sun in the past week things have turned around each day is full of gloom the sun refuses to rise but does so in the night each time the sun rises again the young plant thrives and grows each time the sun sets it falls into depression the sun has yet to rise the young plant's energy ebbs guess itll be another day the clouds dont part

reborn

2009-02-23T21:55:00.000+08:00

last night couldnt sleep a wink cos my mosquito bites kept itching... like there were 10+ bites taking turns to itch the hell out of me... anw so yea. i slept close to wad? 3 hrs... hopefully. in anycase, im dead tired, but somehow i feel rejuvinated, or however you spell it. u noe... alive, reborn, energised, to keep going. i think... _ ______ ____ ___!! haha. who knows wad those blanks mean?

down and out,
no energy left in me,
slowly open my eyes
and there you are
aurgh.
u seem so blur
so far away
but ure there still
i feel recharged.
i can go on... but not for long.

tired

2009-02-19T22:18:00.000+08:00

slept at 1am 2 nights ago
slept at 12am last night
tonight i gotta sleep early, although it aint early anymore. dang.

whatever hope i had,
seems to be ebbing away slowly
but i cant give up i cant give up...

dead tired

2009-02-15T23:05:00.001+08:00

tired as ever. didnt sleep well past few nights. last night finally did. somehow, even though my mind was in a mess. today was worse. woke up so so so early in the morning to do work, and did work n prac piano the whole day. didnt get to prac vln... damn... i have new pieces to learn. better prac them soon, dont wanna make a fool of myself i guess. so yea. i cant seem to put my heart into anything i do currently, i dont know why i dont know why... ... i cant carry on like this. this heart too heavy for me to carry. but ive gta keep going. forward.

today is valentines day

2009-02-14T21:42:00.000+08:00

yea. so what if its vday. lol.

some event today was a... i would say a disaster. lol. nobody has to know what happened. i think im tactless. n i rarely think so ): it must have been bad.

had some viennese to conduct yo. he was erm... no comment.

the end of this day draws near,
im left wif a sad n heavy heart.
tomorrow will bring no joy,
for it wont be much different from today.

today

2009-02-13T22:30:00.000+08:00

lol. wad a dumb title. but yea. today was today. really tiring... played 6 games of connect4 during various lessons. ytd played 5. total 11 for 2 dayz... not bad...

anw had math club trng... before that was a thoughtful hour, where i tried to find the delicate words to fill the intricate phrases... shalnt say more. haha. so math club trng... was doing AMC12 paper. was fine. could do almost all. relieved.

piss me off lar... zydney left 30 minz early to go for CO... which he didnt.. he went to play soccer. when i confronted him (well i didnt want to. i find it distasteful, but i have to fulfill my duty) he was giving a lot of bullcrap which i rly didnt wanna take. so i juz left... talk about idiots and irresponsible people...

how can my parents call me irresponsible... how can i be compared to him? haha. i feel like some superior being next to him lar... at least in morals and values...

anw cant wait for tmr... yet i dread it. wish me luck!! (:

owned.

2009-02-10T21:19:00.000+08:00

today i rly got owned upside down from a lot of teachers. n died under a lot of tests.
first was form teacher... apparently she didnt quite fancy the idea of me being late two days in a row (cos i fell sick n wanted to sleep longer). so she basically said i was terrible n no respect for the school rules and basically insulted me, or rather tried to. then there was english teacher... i locked my classmates in the project room cos i wanted to infruiate him... well so eng teacher ask me unlock the door, which i went about really slowly n faking the door couldnt be opened. now come to think of it that was rly lame n retarded of me but wadeva. so she got quite pissed. and then i met mr koh after lunch by chance n he totally tore me apart for not having surrendered my NUS library card since erm... 2008? so yea. wasnt a good day. n i was sniffing all over the place while i tried my best not to sneeze on my math TA and math selection test. haha. i grow stronger day by day. n subsequently get more and more handsome. (as usual). haha. lol.

bleah

2009-02-06T23:06:00.000+08:00

recently havnt been feeling too good. everyday tired and sleepy, grumpy. i cant really figure out why im so grumpy, but i guess i have a rough idea. so many essays and pts to do... n physics worksheets which i absolutely detest. life is full of troubles ive gta face n overcome. n i have to struggle to stay sane in this insane pace of life.

ill pull through. i cant falter. rather i cant afford to.

falling

2009-01-30T23:23:00.000+08:00

feel the happiness swell
grow within the four walls of your heart
burst out gaily and makes you high
the balloon wont stop rising

a fall from heaven
head resurfaces from above the clouds
the needle does its work
the balloon plummets down, down, down...

hit the ground
head cracks, sees reality before you
there was nothing, its a hint to nothing
and you trudge off disheartened.

nothing has come of it. nothing can come of it.
once down, twice shy, no thrice...

school rules suck

2009-01-29T21:51:00.000+08:00

apparently different depts of the sch have absolutely no communication. lets take a look at this:

last yr mrs yau told us the sch time goes by the clock tower time (when she was scolding us for being late n we protested that our watch said we were early)

yesterday prefect max told me that those in school b4 0725 wont get booked even if not at flag raising cos flag raising started early.

head prefect says flagraising starts at 0725.

today i was in school at 0722. flag raising started already. i got booked for being late. how dumb lor. lol.

yesterday

2009-01-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

this day skies were clear
the fish receiv'st water;
the flower, sunlight;
the defeated, fight;
the sick, health;
the dead, breath;
and the sad, happiness.
i came to life as never before.

schools back to normal. ):

2009-01-08T22:08:00.000+08:00

first day back in normal classes. oh boy... im so not used to it... was really shag lar. then like got back chem wkst, phys wkst, eng oral diagnostic, n tomorrow i have lit!! omg! and wad else do i have... ohh... chinese teacher was talking some rly chim chinese philosophy stuff lar abt wad confusionism n as in confucius n zhuangzi or sth like that n like it was bludy confusing!! i guess i havnt adapted to sch yet. its gna be a long time b4 i will adapt to sch.
anw my oral diagnostic is on my other blog. i was forced to start wif "in defense of my love..." so its quite interesting. hahaha.

orientation camp 09

2009-01-07T21:42:00.001+08:00

i happen to be psl this time... i noe a lot of people are surprised... my math teacher my friends. i srsly wonder wads so surprising... i mean, im such an angel, good boy, perfect rolemodel in every way. haha. yar rite.

Day 1

Lol. i was sick at home resting.

Day 2

went to school early in the morning to watch the sec1's do pt. saw them running around the field... supposedly cheering, although cheering is suppose to be like really loud n really enthu n can shake the whole field or sth... then went to be station master, made the sec1s do something called 'wheelbarrow' down a sidewalk, while the psls sat in the shade n oversaw the 'event'. oh well, thats orientation camp. then through lunch, was busy shouting, demanding a sense of urgency that was, i would say, lacking to a certain extent. but on the whole it went fine. we finished up all the food in no time. (: then there was watergames n wargames, which were kinda violent n funny... i mean, the water games are like: psls throw waterbombs at sec1s while sec1s try to 'rescue' their spsls? hehehe... its like bully lar! then there was bathing and dinner. OMG! bathing n tent pitching took SOOO long! like they did it till it was pitch dark, n bathing was hectic. queues were really really long... then was fright night... but i had to go home to rest early... juz recovered mahh... yea. so sat in ops room talking to ms kong till i had to leave.

Day 3

was like final day. arrived in sch later than day2. it was all talks for the sec1s. psls were given a short break. then lunch, final meal, they made quite a big deal out of it. then was prep for finale, where all the classes dress up some guy for fashion show n make a mini-rocket, that obv doeznt work... duh. then finale, there was spacewalk, the fashion show, then there was like... song dance cheer, ohhhh, there was game show as well. yea. then debrief n dismiss, for sec1s that is. then psls stay back n clean up, then debrief n dismiss as well. haha. i think we took longer to leave than the sec1s. talk a lot n laugh alot n this n that... haha. oh wells. it was fun. wish i could stay over. i guess everybody had fun. rite? haha.

happy belated bday to me

2009-01-07T21:23:00.000+08:00

haha. im finally 16.

first day.

2009-01-02T22:03:00.001+08:00

today was the first day of sch. it wasnt anything new... juz found out my form teacher n subject teachers:
form: mrs yau
eng: mrs seow
lit: mrs smith
phys: mr chan
math: mrs tan
... n the rest i not too sure. whoops. haha.

so next monday is orientation camp. wonder how the sec1s will take it. damn. i didnt manage to get them to greet me today lar! haiz. doeznt matter... theres the whole OC. hahahaha.

)":

2008-12-23T22:49:00.000+08:00

6 days... n counting.

i find the joy of blogging is in making no sense at all... and nobody understands, except myself. oh wells. ill blog sth understandable in a while...

mirage.

2008-12-22T23:33:00.000+08:00

the painful experience of finding out that a dream will never come true... a twig that smouldered dry, the smoke that vanished, the oasis in the sahara that was never there, and never will be there...... unless ure lucky, and you wish hard enuf. im wishing hard... harder than before. i lack the guts.

yo camp

2008-12-18T23:15:00.000+08:00

hmm... there were quite few ppl considering we have 100+ members. first day played soccer, n then weiken, trying to be man, decided to remove his shirt to reveal some unglam sight, quite flabby n oh my gawd. better not say. later everyone vomit blood or sth. haha. in anycase, its nothing like mine, 8 pacs, hard, mascular, almond-blond, rock-solid. haha. my ego bursting. then they decided to kope his shirt n run, so he would have to go back to chalet 1/2 naked. so they fake emergency n ran back. so i left at that time lar, cos i going home sleep. (: then i heard they put his shirt in the freezer. then he go take ice from freezer n still nvr realise his shirt there. hahahaha.

then like second day went there. barbeque was rly cool. damn fun n damn tasty. then we watch dark knight in the early morning like 3+? n then went to watch sunrise. but being really erm erm... smart, we were facing north, n like only saw the sun when it was sky high lor. lol. haha. tts abt all lar. but it was fun. (:

the path.

2008-12-09T18:52:00.000+08:00

screwed up piano exam.

i have had my fair share of screw ups in life, but...

i turn around n face the past
the road ive travelled so fast
rugged tracks of dust and dirt
heart scarred from tears and hurt
mangled by heavy burdens at hand
crushed till i could hardly stand
body bruised and heavy at heart
nothing was easy from the start
picked myself up time n again
beaten down but never slain

ive lived this life n walked this track
n i stop... n i turn back
n i glance upon the rising dust
the still breathing living past
the mistakes ive made
the things ive said
the path of wrong n pain n shame
likewise of right n gain n fame
i look upon the path ive laid
n i turn n continue ahead

i may have a sense of loss, times of shame, moments of happiness, but whatever it is, i chose this path, i walked this path, n i have no regrets. thanks to all who've walked with me, some whom will not anymore, whom i still hold dear in my heart. theres still a long way to go. let no frenship die away...

piano exam.

2008-12-08T14:54:00.000+08:00

tmr is my piano exam. omgomg... i havnt finished my prognotes yet. haha. n i cant play beethoven 2nd mvt without making a memory slip. i always miss the sweet development section (awww... so sweet) haha. then in liszt i keep missing notes up down left right... n bach fugue is like constant accel. start at 63/min end at abt 100/min? maybe not that bad lar.

but the funny thing is i aint worked up abt it. i dunno why hahahaha. oh wells. ill prac later again bah. (:

boring

2008-12-01T11:57:00.000+08:00

nothing much is happening... n im super bored at home staring at the wall, watching tv, doing work, practicing piano... i dont rly know why im complaining that its too boring esp when the next few days will be really busy practicing for piano exam n yo... when it comes to that ill probably complain lifes too busy... but oh wells i always complain rite... hahahaha.

concert

2008-11-29T22:03:00.001+08:00

omg... its finally over. apart from that im rather happy wif my performance. overall its probably my best, but if u like cut n paste different passages from different playings in the past n put together obv it would be better lar... im so glad my B and D werent that off. the intermission was really hectic. had to go see the vips at the reception n then go change. didnt have a chance to go n see frenz ): but i really appreciate you guyz who came to support me. zeyang chengxun benmak aidi n her frenz n my family n my piano teacher n my vln teacher parents n.. oh dear. wad a long list. yea. thanks yall. also would like to thank the orchestra, md, administrators for all theyve done for me n for putting up wif me n my attitude (: thnx to all. i love yall (:

another concert on dec 9 then jan 13. wad a busy season. anw will blog more.

rehearsal.

2008-11-27T23:24:00.000+08:00

rehearsal was fine... bow jammed on the fifth note... n second n fourth notes were not as loud as the first n third... octaves were offpitch... but im happy cos i did wad i could n i tried my best
juz hope tmr will be fine... wil prac a bit in the morning n wadever happens happnes... wheee. i dont know why im so high although i didnt play that well...

but tmr ill juz have to give it my best n pray for the best lor... bleah. i hope im in luck tmr. wish me luck yea? (:

practice practice...

2008-11-24T15:08:00.001+08:00

yesterday practice was really gratifying... got most of the attutide spots in place... intonation only off in one place, apart from that was quite fine. only problem was today. couldnt concentrate a nut while practicing... forgetting the rhythm, phrasing, intonation, vibrato n stuff like that. really in no mood to practice though i got to. guess too much was on my mind saved from last night...

life juz iznt meant to be smooth. i guess i realised that long ago but it really struck again ytd. i dont know what i did i dont know whether i deserve it but i got to live wif wad is reality whether or not its fair or unfair. perhaps its only me who doesnt see the problems lying in me, maybe the rest of the world thinks im the problem. i wont know.

in anycase, gotta concentrate concentrate... damn, its freakin hard.

masterclass

2008-11-21T17:44:00.001+08:00

as usual i screwed up the attitude. well yea. ok lar. learnt a few things, esp the point that i play lousy. bleah. my dressing was horrible but who cares. haha, same as my playing wad. in anycase, its over n the impt thing is to learn sth n not playing well (although it would be nice to play well lar...) afterthat went to pastamania wif davin ryan weiken emily.

played ss again for vln lesson. almost had to play it for yo prac. luckily didnt, cos i didnt have time to work on it at all. prac was ok lar. but davin finger really scare us lor... like he practice too much then got cut by the string... then afterthat he go n play somemore... =.= oh well, some ppl too passionate abt their vln lar, cant be helped.

went home dead tired but still went online... haha. i think im hooked. oh well... its only a few days more... i think i should prac more but then ill hurt my arm... shit. in anycase, come backstage n give me flowers even if i screw up. (: haha.

concert

2008-11-19T18:11:00.000+08:00

concert was ok. saw quite a lot of ppl i knew... erm... lanabel ryan weiken theodore ryce jonshin kaiyan andrea davin evan n a lot of other ppl lar. i think the pianist is really pro... ok lar. they were all really pro... so there were several encores... until like when she walked out without her violin, we were wondering if she was gna play the piano. but she didnt... duh. anw im going to have a masterclass wif her on thur n im going to screw it up badly... poor attitude as usual lar. bleah.

after that went out to sup wif davin chris lanabel. something almost cropped up so lanabel wont go... then cos of that davin wont go... then i wont go either... but luckily in the end nothing cropped up lar. i wonder why *cough cough*. haha. tok a lot of rubbish. hmm... we should have this more often.

got home 12 plus. mom was suprisingly nice abt it, haha.

Intonation is attitude.

2008-11-12T23:14:00.000+08:00

I think my attitude muz be really horrible. i cant believe ms wang said intonation is attitude... its like so hurting... lol. i noe she didnt aim it at me but it still hurts a lot.

i dont know why i cant play saint saens properly once im out of my own house. at home im rather satisfied wif practicing, except yesterday. but today's prac wif YO was so disappointing... maybe i should juz go jump off some place n save the shame of screwing up in front of a hallful of people...

damn damn damn... i have to play again tmr n i dont have time to practice. but wadever happens, i know i can at least still lift my head high n proudly say i have done my best without that being a lie. intonationintonationintonation... tsk.

intonation is NOT attitude.

Thailand

2008-11-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

so i went to thailand... got back on 31st oct. but then com got sent for repairs so can only blog now. actually i could have blogged in the sch library but dont wanna risk getting caught near the end of sch term. haha. so...

Thailand. the competition sux. got lowest among raffles. wont tok bout it. dont want to... i think ive been slacking too long... but heck care that.

so we had touring competition sleeping n more importantly slack n game.

we played cards... boring. threw a deck at zhanxiong cos i suddenly felt like doing that. then used a glass bottle to wake alan up. we played all sorts of lame games like bridge, taiti, aidi's lame game, guessing game, whacko, dog n bone, murderer, n... truth or dare.

it was quite fun lar... most of the time that is. basically cards nth much to tok abt lar... its the truth or dare that was kinda juicy. We found out that alan really sux at begging... he was suppose to beg sbd to let him go into the toilet... he was like EPIC FAILURE. Then mengshi proposed to the tv, zhanxiong ran abt the room holding a luggage bag n singing Home. n den n den i forgot the rest lar... there were another three dares that i wont mention, unless you were there or u stalk blogs u wont noe... u dont have to anw... haha.

i have pics which i wont post.... too lazy. i hope i get to properly enjoy the rest of the hols. i wish we never had to come back from thailand... it was really fun. (: but as usual, memories are for the ppl who went there... so i wont tok more than i have already said. (:

First post

2008-11-06T22:49:00.001+08:00

so like after considering damn long... ive decided to have a public blog. again. yes, i still have the old locked one which i will still update... i cant air everything in public rite... haha. so yea. this blog is open to EVERYBODY! link me k? :)

anw, if anybody is wondering why its called tom--n--jerry. im basically back from thailand not long... n we watched tom n jerry to not get bored. so it brings back fond memories.... sigh. :)

Memories...

Aurgh.

Work List:

eternal damnation.

dreams.

Colosseum

*dies*

OMG! TESTS!!!

let my music charm.

friendship.

PI. Over. Finally.

love is...

blogging!

2010 stay away.

finally touching a working com.

its not enough.

Happy Teachers' Day

!bored!

Feedback Form of RI

PTs n CCTs

friday

yo concert. yesterday.

it is our responsibility.

blogging once again...

June

fun

tests!!! ):

music

bus home.

ugly side

Commonwealth essay: Tracks

stupid fogging.

2.4

stupid lizard.

removal of quote in prev post.

random.

disgrace.

sch

past few days

HOLIDAYS: actually its no holiday lol.

test

apmo

sadness

nothing.

a day without sunlight

reborn

tired

dead tired

today is valentines day

today

owned.

bleah

falling

school rules suck

yesterday

schools back to normal. ):

orientation camp 09

happy belated bday to me

first day.

)":

mirage.

yo camp

the path.

piano exam.

boring

concert

rehearsal.

practice practice...

masterclass

concert

Intonation is attitude.

Thailand

First post

dies